Do you fear dying?

[Annie Sever-Dimitri]

Last week I met a lovely lady who works for a mortuary. Listening to her talk, I started to ponder our societal discomfort with death. Kick the bucket, buy the farm, take a dirt nap, pass.... however you say it, discussing death makes people as uncomfortable conversationally as dropping the F bomb in front of their mother. Why, I wondered. So I decided to ask you, dear readers of the Forum column.

What makes you afraid to die, if anything? How uncomfortable are you talking about it, especially around children? How do you think we can promote a less fearful stance about death and funerals in society? Or have you noticed this at all?

[Dario Impini]

I've been doing nearly continuous thinking on this for what seems like years. Its a heady subject that for me at least, drifts in and out of clarity like a vague fog and it has a lot of facets and angles of consideration. I've wanted to blog this concept myself but I will need to reach a more cogent understanding before I go to that length.

However, the summary sense I get so far is that life essentially is overrated. I dont mean that callously or facetiously but objectively. The coarse elements of the earth just exist and chemically react with each other. And we are elements of the earth assembled into a unit, undergoing supremely complex electro-chemical reactions. We overrate our "souls" if you wish -- our consciousness in reality -- as something profound and unique which we can from agree to from a philosophical point of view, however this consciousness is really just a complex chemical reaction.

And as secularly cold as that might appear to be, it can easily be observed by how easily we can control it -- add noxious chemicals to your body and your perceptions will be distorted. Cut portions of your brain away and lose essentially your mind, like lobotomy patients of old. Suffer dramatic brain injury and find your "consciousness" rendered essentially non-existent. Where are you when you are unconscious, comatose? In a white room awaiting your return? No -- you cease to self-exist.

Your mind, soul, consciousness is merely a self-sustaining chemical reaction like fire, or the spontaneous and temporal self-arrangement of a simple snowflake. And that is what we are essentially -- very complex snowflakes falling through life, born in a completely unique rendition, living a short life, and falling back into its constituent elements. Still existing mind you, just not in its assembled state. If the complex configuration of a unique snowflake is analogous to the mind, then yes, we will all perish like a melted snowflake. We will still be here, just not in a sensitive-to-our-environment way.

We will be inert, our unique consciousness will be gone forever like the unique arrangement of a simple snowflake melted into cold water. And so will everyone else's. And ultimately none of it will matter, and when you die, you wont care because you wont be here to care.

So fear of death is somewhat irrational. It is a fear of a change from an active chemical reaction to an inert one, at least on the level of complexity that we exist today as conscious beings. What is there to fear?

While this is obviously a nihilist point of view, the upshot is that rather than defer our lives, ambitions, dreams, and hopes, we should enjoy each day for what it brings. Enjoy each day as fully as possible. Some days clearly suck and are not enjoyable very much.

For the most part, we live our lives doing what we dont like to live a standard of living others expect from us. Essentially we spend our lives trying to live to someone else's expectations, when it is our unique lives that are burning away like a dying flame. We have only so much time. Enjoy it for what it is; make the most of each day. Live each day as if it was your last.

Imagine how much more pleasant the world would be if we didnt do things for tomorrow, or for the "after life", but did things to enjoy TODAY. If people didnt kill each other because they believed something about what would happen AFTER they were dead, but instead did what they could to make the most out of TODAY.

That would be something.

So no, I dont fear death. Whats there to fear? I'm here now, wont be later. So?

[Greg Hiatt]

Interestingly put, Dario. I feel the same.

[Victoria Finch]

I am not afraid to die because I have the hope of Jesus Christ. The bible tells us that we are not to fear death as those with no hope. Now that does not mean that I want die, but that I have faith that when I die, at the appointed time, I am going home to Christ.

[Dave Gibbs]

A very thoughtful question, Annie.

I stand with Victoria.

In my end is my beginning.

[Michael J Dukehart, II]

Knowing that I will end is depressing. I am Buddhist and I am of the scientific mind....they lend well together on this topic. Buddhists believe we continue the life cycle until we, for quick easy typing, get it right. In science we know that energy can not be destroyed. We know that there are electrical pulses that travel through us and are part of us. So when we die where does the energy go?

Knowing this though still does not make me like that at one day i will lie to someone I care about when I say see you tomorrow.

[Genie Goykhberg]

From my practice I concluded that this topic is much more sensitive for men than for women.
Because we are life-giver we take it differently. To me death is just another side of the coin. When I talk to people about my favorite topic, my passion - THEIR WELL-BEING - pointing out that we dont have a healthy generation in our Country, that we are #41 in the World in the Health Care arena, telling people how our life style, our choices, our attitude form our life in the Golden Age, often I hear "Yeah... probably... But we live longer"
NO! We are not Living longer - we are Dieing longer.
Its not a question whether we are going to die or not, of course we will - I am pretty confident in this statement!
The question is HOW we will be dieing...
Most of young people look beautiful to me. Look how differently we age...

I do have a fear. I have a fear of not being in control of my destiny; of long painful illnesses that might stop me from my mission on this Earth.

That is what think we can address: How do I live? What level of awareness I have what is good what is bad for my body?
WE CANNOT PERFORM without our BODY!!
Nobody heals anyone - I am telling you that as a Healer! YOU must do the work - doctors, healers, family, God only assist you in your journey!
Be WELL!

[Theresia Whitfield]

I don't fear death because I know where I'm going... Heaven to be with my Lord and Savior! Thanks to my intimate encounter with 9/11 (and covering all sorts of other horrific events as a journalist), I often think of death. My only issue with death is that I don't want to "feel" it! But, as Victoria says, there is no fear for those who's hope is in Christ Jesus!

[Michael R.]

Pain is temporary.

[Annie Sever-Dimitri]

Thank you so much for your responses! This topic is so interesting to me for several reasons, one being that I used to be a hospice volunteer. The four years I spent with St. Vincent Hospice were profound; I learned to really count my blessings, adjust my sometimes crappy attitude, and appreciate each day. Whenever I start grousing because I don't want to do the dirty dishes, I immediately consider two individuals with ALS (one age 37, the other age 44) I cared for with hospice. I am sure they would have done anything to have the chance to shop for food, feed themselves, then have dishes to clean. Simple activities you and I take for granted, but which are so cruelly yanked from those with that disease. I never felt depressed as a hospice volunteer; only grateful for all I have, and also grateful for the chance to help grieving people.

You have all given me additional food for thought. Again, thank you.

[Michael R.]

Nice sentiments, Annie.

[Dave Gibbs]

Thank you, Annie, for reminding us of what's important!

Life is more than business, politics and society soirees.

[Shelly Arens]

My only fear of death is the possibility of dying in a painful manner. I pray that I go quietly in my sleep at a very advanced age having lived to enjoy as much as I possibly can.